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| This summer has been amazing so far. The only bad thing is i have to wait till the weekend to see my favorite person! I can't wait to go back to school though. Work sucks! | | |
| IT IS OVER!! I am happy that i am done with school or at least until September.... I am happy well i guess i have been for the past few days...thanks! | | |
| I have always been the type of person who loves life.I love learning and i love to spend time with people. I have also been that type of person who never let out any emotions or feelings come out like most people. I feel like i can only confide in like maybe 3 or 4 people. One of those people are in Europe right now ( i miss my josh). The other person graduated and its weird because we really only started to talk and hang out this past school year. She is a great person who i care about as a friend deeply. The other one is in Wisconsin. We have been close friends since our Freshman year in college. I cannot image my life without her! The last person is one whom i have been close to since the beginning of our Sophomore year. We dont agree on the exact date but its ok.
My problem lie in the fact that i am starting to get worse. My body is getting weaker and I will be honest, I am scared. There were points in my life in which i was scared prior, but not to this extent. So while taking May Term, I used the excuse that i have to much studying to do. I used this excuse to guard myself like i always do. I hate that. I hate being so closed off, but thats all i know. The question comes up about Graduate School. Its my dream to go to grad school and even get my masters by the time i am 30. Do i really want to be in school for the "rest of my life". What if the doctors are right? 25, thats not alot of time left. What if they are wrong? Do i sell myself short?
I don't know what to do. I am trying to give it all to God, but i hate not knowing the future. What do i tell my parents? Do i tell my parents? Do i tell Cody? Do i tell Dean? Those two guys are like my brothers! Do I tell Brandon (who practically is my brother) and Kacie?
There are so many people who give me so much inspiration everday to keep fighting, but the question is when is enough enough? When do i draw the line of fighting and letting go and start getting prepared for the future. I never really thought the doctor would be right about my life span, but as a new day begins, i find myself believing them more and more....I dont know what to do anymore....
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| This past few weeks have been really....ummmm...stressful? Yes, Stressful! There have been alot on my mind other then just finals. I have alot to do in reguards to saying goodbye to certian friends, but the good thing is i know there are a couple of friends i know that we will stay in contact and remain best friends. But what about the other friends? Good-bye sucks. I know that if we want the friendship to continue then we can just work at it, but what do we do if its impossible due to conflicting schedules and just life going in different paths? I, however, am ready to get out of here. I hate being here sometimes, but then there are times i love this university. I am just ready to start my "real" life. No more studying or tests! Then again, i am going to Grad School right after this. I have it narrowed down to 3 different places; Notre Dame, Indiana Wesleyan, or University of Hawaii! All have its ups and downs. Speaking of Notre Dame, i had the opportunity to visit the most beautiful place on this plant! The game was awesome and so was the pre-game festivals. My favorite part was probably when Lou Holtz came running out with the team. This is one site i thought that i would never get to see. But back to reality, I am going to finally do what i need to do. I am going to let her know! Sorry that my thoughts are really scattered but thats how i roll! | | |
| Josh and i decided to start going to church again. This is really hard for me becuase i hate getting up in the morning. One of my wrestlers invited me to go to his church where his dad pastors at. The first week we were there, I felt as though it was just me and the pastor in a room and him just preaching me. I haven't left like that in a long time. It was actually really good. I really needed to hear the stuff that he was saying. It really spoke alot to me and helped me out with some up comming decisions i have to make. Church today was another awesome sermon. He told us to write this down and think about it, and answer it on our own. "What do you want more then anything in your life?" This is a tough question. We all could answer a stronger relationship with God, but is that what we really want? I will be honest, i really dont know. I want a closer relationship with God, but i also know that they way i live my life is not showing that. He made a good point in church today, just becuase we believe in God. That doesn't mean that we are going to go to heaven! THis really scares me. I also know that works alone does not get you into heaven. We need to be doing the work of God, and i know that i have slacked in that area for a while now... As the year draws to an end, things are getting more and more stressful and more and more confusing in my personal life. I am looking at different Grad schools, i really want to go to either ND, IWU, or IUPUI. The tough thing is my decisions in reguards to grad school can come with some different consequences. Is it worth it? Am i running away from stuff? Do i really want to stay in Indiana? Do i really want to go to Georgia? If i dont go to GA, how does that affect relationships in my life? How does it help? God please be with me as i go through difficult decisions in my life. Lord help me turn everything over to you and let you lead my way. I know that with You, nothing can go wrong. I love you God! | | |
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